A Truly Eye-Opening Incident in the Pub Restroom Queue

Shortly before the festive season, I encountered an unusual situation. I think it proved instructive. This took place at a meeting of some old friends, who are, as it happens dental professionals, but this isn't pertinent. The assembled group were solely men, which turns out to be key.

An Unfamiliar Scenario

The establishment was a tavern experiencing a roaring trade. A wasted session was had by all. Good cuisine, fine libations and surprisingly amusing anecdotes about oral health. Naturally, the time arrived for trips to the male facilities. Those who ventured off, I partially registered, seemed to be gone a long time. I didn't ponder why this could be, but when it became my go, everything was revealed.

Upon turning the bend, and what awaited me but a sizeable procession for the gentlemen’s toilet. An empty space for the ladies' room, but a substantial line for the gents'. What fresh hell was this? This wasn’t a world any of us in this queue were accustomed to.

An Experience of Common Reality

For the avoidance of doubt, I am not asking for pity from any female reader here. I am acutely conscious that, for ladies, having to queue to use a restroom is an everyday occurrence. How many times have I witnessed women waiting in a queue while men in the identical venue have to do the opposite?

In addition to the hassle of standing in line to use a convenience, there’s a whiff of humiliation about lingering there, waiting for something that men typically don’t have to wait for. It was truly enlightening to have a sample of it myself, seeing the opposite gender glide through the door while I was compelled to stand solemnly with others with my companions, angling away at anything we had in our jackets and scrolling through our phones.

The Art of Restroom Line Chitchat

There’s a entire conversational genre here – toilet queue chitchat – of which men have scant familiarity. Females, I imagine, have learned to be fairly skilled at it, exchanging small talk and an notable insight or two.

About this topic I’ve consulted some female friends of my circle. The prevailing view is that within-the-line dialogue is restricted to the rare weary glance and the utterance: “Forget this, I’m going to use the men’s.” A associate mentioned it’s exclusively at the sinks subsequently that conversation tends to start up.

Had I been a woman, I’d not spend a moment on both pleasantries or silence. If I was forced, repeatedly, to stand in a common queue simply for the opportunity to empty my bladder, I’d vent my spleen like crazy at the utter inequity of it. A useful measure for any modern culture would be equal waiting times in urination queue durations. I’m seeking out research on this.

Male Interaction in the Queue

Returning to my queue, I tried to spark some male camaraderie going about this new situation of ours. I sighed a bit, showed exasperation and said something along the lines of: “Ah, this makes an unpleasant difference, doesn’t it lads?”

One person grinned, another looked blank, a third appeared embarrassed. Yet another gave a dismissive wave as if this was one more symptom of modern woes, woke madness etc. For the most part, stillness reigned. Someone emerged, fastening his trousers. The group shuffled up a position. Another two men took a place at the back of it. I let out a breath.

A Knowing Interaction

A lady wafted out of the adjacent facility, all clean and relaxed. It was all right for some. I grinned sheepishly at her, attempting to communicate recognition of this upside-down scenario. Her response was: “Don't come to me for solidarity, you blighter. Reappear when you’ve done this a hundred more times and then I might give you the courtesy.”

In reality, she never spoke that. She uttered nothing. But I am convinced that’s what she was thinking. And I honestly would not blame her.